1. My real name is not Thumper. Nor is it, contrary to prevailing belief in cyber-space, Kathy. It does, however, start with a "K."

2. I am a published writer. Note I did not say "author." To be an author I would have to have had major sales, drink with my pinky stuck straight out, and have done a stint at Betty Ford.

3. I have been married for somewhere between 22 and 24 years. I'm never really sure; we have a tendency to add a year, but then I get confused and wonder "well, did we add a year last year so it's really the same as last year, or did I remember last year and not add the year...and how many freaking years have we added a year...?" Oh...it's 25 now. Wow. No, wait...27 now... Um....29.

4. My head does not explode when I think in circles.

5. The Spouse Thingy and I have known each other since high school; we had classes together but didn't "meet" until he was dating my best friend.

6. We have a 22 year old son 24 year old son. Holy crap he's 26. =sigh= 28...

7. I have never watched a single episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.

8. I am lactose intolerant; I can't eat ice cream, yet oddly enough can drink hot chocolate. I can't drink much cold chocolate milk, however. Don't ask, I don't know why.

9. I have more than one chronic pain condition.

10. I had a brain tumor. 

11. Thusly, I have a brain.

12. I have diabetes insipidus. No, not insulin dependent diabetes...that would be diabetes mellitus or commonly called sugar diabetes. What I have would be more aptly called water diabetes. My brain simply no longer makes the hormone that tells the kidneys when to hold onto water. There's drugs for that...

13. I take growth hormone. I hope to be 7 feet tall soon.

14. The places I have lived, in no particular order: California, Texas, Illinois, North Dakota, Ohio, and Germany (Nurnburg and Munich.)

15. I could speak German as a child, but now can't even count past ten. I'm not positive I can count to ten.

16. I did inhale.

17. I'm addicted to some really stupid things on HGTV.

18. I have been online since 1989.

19. The first computer we had was a Timex Sinclair; it had no hard drive, no floppy drive, no RAM, and it had a membrane keyboard. Every time we wanted to use it, we had to type out code in BASIC. Mostly, we made pictures and laughed at our ingenuity. We refused to admit we were lame.

20. The convertible I coveted my whole life, and that we paid too much for, turned out to be a lemon. That should teach me a thing or two about coveting.

21. I want a new convertible. I got a new convertible. it's spiffy and makes me feel special. I sold the convertible. I ride a motorcycle now. It makes me feel special AND badass.

22. I eat a single serving of oatmeal for breakfast every morning; just a single serving, not the single-extra-half-serving that's supposed to be heart healthy.

23. I put 20 packets of Equal on my oatmeal. Every damned time. Did you know some people say Aspartame (what Equal is, in case you were unaware) causes brain tumors?

24. I will not wear a dress. I refuse.

25. I dislike girly things. Like dresses. And pantyhose. And makeup. And PMS.

26. I cannot be around anyone wearing perfume or cologne; sometimes they smell good, but my airway starts to close. Same thing with cigarette smoke.

27. Number 26 is one of the reasons we retired in CA; no public smoking.

28. My cat is mostly insane, and has his own blog. (Ok, now we have two cats, and they both have blogs...)

29. My cat wrote a book. It's better than mine. OK, now's he's written 3 books. Damn liteary furball.

30. I used to play the guitar and sing...I stopped when I realized people in other rooms could hear me. Now I can barely hold a note.

31. I blog-hop a lot. I pick a blog and check out all the links to other blogs they have listed. I find a lot of really cool stuff this way, as well as a bunch of crap. But more cool stuff, for sure.

32. I am very intolerant of intolerant people. I'm totally cool with the hypocrisy of that.

33. There was a time when I trained in a martial art. I loved it. I miss it. I may never get to do that again.

34. In 2nd grade I puked during the Pledge Of Allegiance. For some reason, no one wanted to stand near me during the Pledge after that.

35. I really hate beginning sentences with "I" but when listing things about yourself, it seems unavoidable.

36. I am totally owned by the cats.

37. I have been called "sir" more times than I can count.

38. I hate housework.

39. I don't mind scuzzy work that I am being paid to do.

40. I don't like expensive jewelry. I wear 3 rings and crucifix, and that's it. I don't want anything else.

41. I don't understand ceremonious stuff. Like weddings and funerals--things you pay a whole lot of money for--when without the big ones you're just as married and just as dead.

42. My first book was written largely when I was 15. It was published when I was 40. Lesson learned: never give up.

43. Left to my own devices, I'd be a hard core night owl, staying up unti 3 a.m. and sleeping until noon. The cats, however, have other ideas.

44. My taste in music is very eclectic, but I have a low tolerance for country music. Sometimes, it makes me want to puke. Or strangle someone. And I'm not kidding.

45. I talk to myself in my head. So if you hear me say "Shut up," it's probably not aimed at you. Just the at other voice in my head.

46. 24-25 27-28 30ish years ago, I stepped on Jim McMahon's foot at BYU. I don't think he noticed, or if he did, he didn't care.

47. I saw Robert Redford at the Salt Lake City airport, but only after the Spouse Thingy pointed him out.

48. I saw Dan Rather at the Houston airport, but only after the Boy pointed him out.

49. I am not an especially observant person.

50. My guilty pleasures include Seventh Heaven, The Biggest Loser, and Dr. Phil. OK, so Seventh Heaven is now longer on, and I haven't watched Dr. Phil in, like, 2 years.

51. I totally want to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I've never wanted to be on a game or reality show before.

52. In high school and through most of college I was fairly thin. Before then and after...no. Not so much.

53. I hate beer.

54. Hating beer has nothing to do when having formerly been LDS. I love lots of other alcoholic things. VODKA SLUSH!

55. The last year and a half we lived in Ohio I drank more alcohol than I did in the preceding 10 years. Combined. I blame the Evil People.

56. I would like to have a regular job, but don't have a clue how to get one beyond "Ya want fries with that?" and I'm not sure if I could keep my mouth shut if saddled with a moronic boss.

57. I still watch South Park.

58. My tolerance for loud children is very low now. Unless I know the kids. And like them. Kids I like can be as loud as they want.

59. I am addicted to M&Ms.

60. I am shy.

61. I spend way too much time at JigZone.com. Now I spend way too much time surfing motorcycle forums.

62. A few months years ago I donated 25 sweatshirts to Goodwill. And I still have a closet full. I don't remember buying them all, and can only conclude that sweatshirts breed.

63. There is range of only about 6 degrees where I feel comfortable; anything under 75 and I'm shivering, anything over 80-81 and I'm sweating.

64. Until going on Synthroid, I was cold unless it was really hot out. Then I was miserably hot.

65. I hate baths. Much prefer showers.

66. I tend to really hate the things I write, at least for a while. Probably because it's not easy to love a book you've read 20+ times.

67. I am most satisfied with Finding Father Rabbit and The PsychoKitty Speaks Out. Even though the cat wrote that one. All by himself. Yep.

68. I think I need bifocals...reading things with tiny print is impossible; in fact, I have a dozen books on my shelves I would like to read, but the print is too small. I got the freaking bifocals...

69. I am too mature to snicker over the number "69."

70. I have 3 sisters...and I'm the youngest.

71. I don't have any tattoos, but I want one. I have it sketched out, and the sketch has been in a briefcase for the past 10 years. I still want it... I have two tattoos, and plans for a couple more.

72. I still have a scar from surgery on my knee from 1979. Turned out to be surgery I didn't need to have.

73. In my opinion, Martha doesn't belong in jail. Eh, leave Martha alone. Going after her was--in the words of Judge Judy, whom we should all listen to--the legal equivalent of trying to kill a fly with an elephant gun. Paris Hilton should have gotten out after 3 days; everyone else with the same offense does in that county. Really...who gives a shit about any of that now?

74. This no way implies that I'm a Martha fan. I'm not. I despise Paris Hilton, even though I've never met her and never will.

75. I believe in fairness.

76. I have to sleep with a fan on. This is the Spouse Thingy's fault. I never did that as a child.

77. I have to sleep with a whole bunch of blankets on me. It's the weight of them, I think...

78. I don't consider a joint to be any different than a drink.

79. I totally support medical marijuana use.

80. I have never attended a concert. I went to a bunch of concerts last summer. In the park. Those count, right?

81. I can't fathom owning only one computer, mostly because I don't like sharing.

82. I was kicked out of a Yahoo Group for being too quiet.

83. I am against the death penalty...not because some people don't deserve it, but because 1) you execute someone and find out later they were actually innocent, you can't bring them back; 2) it's far more expensive to keep someone on Death Row through the appeals process than it is to keep them in for life; and 3) God will sort us all out in the end.

84. I refuse to try guacamole. It might be the most wonderful thing on earth, but I can't get past the idea that I changed lots of diapers that looked like that.

85. I barely remember my childhood; in fact, I can rarely recall anything unless someone says something to bring out a specific memory.

86. I check all the blogs in my Blog Roll every day to see if they've been updated.

87. I love caffeine free diet Mountain Dew, and I am totally bummed that it can't be bought here.

88. I am terrified of dying.

89. I'm not that thrilled about heights.

90. I can't make a phone call to save my own life. Well, I could make one for that but I just can't pick up the phone and call someone. Even for a doctor's appointment. Because, you know, people might not want to hear from me.

91. While 20 years in the air force was good for us, I absolutely do not want my son in the military.

92. If I play solitaire on the computer, I can't stop until I win. I once played for 7 straight hours, and my mouse hand went numb.

93. I'm not sure what my favorite color is.

94. Some peoples' faces look better with glasses, and I'm one of them.

95. Going to a new place kind of freaks me out. I like new places, but can't go alone.

96. I am not on medication for that.

97. I do not want to be held accountable to the person I was 25 years ago. And I don't think anyone else should be, either.

98. I actually like pictures of peoples' cats on their blog. Because cats totally rule.

99. I have dandruff. Always.

100. In my blog hopping I read others' "100 Things" all the way through. But I don't take notes. That would be creepy and stalkerish. And I'd lose the notes in the mess on my desk, anyway.